I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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