Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize