why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize