I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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