Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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