You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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