Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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