Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize