New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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