i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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