Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize