My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize