sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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