wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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