My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize