I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize