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Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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