OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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