i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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