yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize