I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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