i would punch a child for taco bell
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize