Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize