Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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