I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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