There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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