Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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