He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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