It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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