i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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