I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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it's like heaven, but drunker
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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