I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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