Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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