shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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