Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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