bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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