She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
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