my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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