I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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