All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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