Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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