not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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