I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize