Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize