Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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