3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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