girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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