You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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