I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize