I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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